Friday, March 4, 2011

*Edit: After posting at 2.00 am, I got all crying again because I hadn't eaten enough and there wasn't time for me to eat and go to sleep and get up in time for my two-day workshop beginning the next day at 10.00 in another city. So I ended up having Meal 4 around 2:30 am and not attending the workshop so I could rest this weekend instead.

Alarm: 09.30
Out of bed: 10.30 (cancel instead of snooze!)
Meal 1: 11.10-11.20
Meeting at Work: 11.20-12.30
Workout: 12.30-14.30
Meal 2: 15.30-15.5
Meal 3: 17.30-18.00
Meal 4: 02.30-02.45
Meltdown: 20.30-22.00
Bed: 03.00

Nutrition
Meal 1 ~ 1/4 c oats + 1 scoop protein powder + 2 c water; 2 cups regular coffee + 2 tbsp whole milk
Meal 2 ~ 70g chicken, 10g brocolli
Meal 3 ~ 2 hamburgers on whole-wheat buns, one with 1 tbsp salsa, the other with 1 tbsp mayonnaise, and about 200 g Chinese cabbage (when raw)
Meal 4 ~ 1 hamburger on a whole-wheat bun with 1 tbsp salsa
Other/Liquids ~ 5 x 620ml waterbottle, 4 mugs tea with splash skim milk, 3 mugs green tea

Macros
1607 calories: Fat 42%; Carbs 26%; Protein 32%
Not happy at all with my choices today. I started out taking my oatmeal and protein powder on the road as I woke up late. On the other hand, I don't know WHAT to eat that will make me feel full and is tasty anymore. I wanted to look at some choices and do some grocery shopping tonight, but instead J came home hungry and I didn't want him to be hungry while we waited for me to figure out what I would eat for the next few days, so we just went and got the burgers. I feel very disorganized.

Workout
Cardio - Goal: 6 min warmup, 20 min THR 131, 6 min THR 148, 6 min cooldown
Actual: 6 min warmup, 19:18 min THR 131, 6:02 THR 148, 6 min cooldown

Other
Cesar oefeningen AND physio exercises done.

Mood
Pretty good. Everything takes so long, which always surprises me. But, I did enjoy NOT feeling kapot from my workout. I wonder if that's been the problem all along - I push myself far too hard, and have to recover for a long time before I can work again. Maybe this cardio training period of working gently but consistently will help in other areas of my life as well.

I also had a melt-down around 20.30. J was watching another TV show I don't care about, and I was feeling irritated that I'm only home a few hours with him in the week - or so it seems - and he wants to watch a Top Gear re-run!!??!! And I was thinking about all the pressure I feel to clean all the things and care for all the people and to do everything RIGHT NOW and I just got so angry and frustrated and cried and yelled a bit. Then I did some of the chores I was worrying about, and watched an episode of a TV show I like. And then it was 2am. I don't think I have much to do, but maybe it's not that I'm so slow, or take so long, but that I just can't do as much as I think I can.

I'm not willing to be so busy that I can't enjoy my life. I think I will cancel my plans for the weekend and take it easy. I hate cancelling, but I hate feeling pressured, rushed, and stressed out more.